EURO MELTDOWN FEAR – THE FACTS
The government has just announced details of a mysterious psychological condition sweeping European cities. The illness primarily affects investment bankers and stockbrokers although anyone who owns even a small number of shares is also at risk.
The neurological imbalance is characterized by debilitating facial spasms and wild eye-rolling, whenever markets take a downward turn, followed by an obsessive compulsive desire to sell ones investments using a mobile. Ever more frantic gesticulations lead ultimately to severe depression, head trauma and unconsciousness.
The public are encouraged to approach affected individuals with extreme prejudice, using a rolled Financial Times whenever possible.