100 word assignment – WEEK 20

Slow Friday afternoon, its not always like this!
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FRENCH DIALOGUE – Formal (read this first)

LA BELLE FEMME
He gazed at the writing on the wall for a distilled moment.
Realisation dawned. He spun, saucer-eyed.

“Vous!”

“J’ai un nom. Dites-le.” The silenced .45 never wavered.

“Non, ce n’est pas vous. La fille qui je connaissais était mieux que cela”
He fought to keep his anguish chained, failed. The apple of his eye had grown thorns.
“Je ne sais plus qui vous êtes.”

“Moi, je le sais. Et c’est ça l’important.”

The first bullet dropped him to the shag, blossoming. Two more followed.
Nonchalantly, she poured herself a drink.

The powers that be would be delighted. It didn’t matter that he’d refused her;
their eyes screamed much louder in any case.

Nikita.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
FRENCH DIALOGUE – Informal (read this first)

LA BELLE FEMME
He gazed at the writing on the wall for a distilled moment.
Realisation dawned. He spun, saucer-eyed.

“Toi!”

“J’ai un nom. Dis-le.” The silenced .45 never wavered.

“Non, ce n’est pas toi. La fille qui je connaissais était mieux que cela”
He fought to keep his anguish chained, failed. The apple of his eye had grown thorns.
“Je ne sais plus qui tu es.”

“Moi, je le sais. Et c’est ça l’important.”

The first bullet dropped him to the shag, blossoming. Two more followed.
Nonchalantly, she poured herself a drink.

The powers that be would be delighted. It didn’t matter that he’d refused her;
their eyes screamed much louder in any case.

Nikita.

Thanks to Sally-Jayne for correcting my appalling French. The first draft made no sense to anyone, let alone from France. Think it adds that je ne sais quoi … but tell me if YOU think it adds anything! The English is below for comparison.
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ENGLISH DIALOGUE

LA BELLE FEMME
He gazed at the writing on the wall for a distilled moment.
Realisation dawned. He spun, saucer-eyed.

“You!”

“I have a name. Say it.” The silenced .45 never wavered.

“No. That’s not you.The girl I knew was better than this.”
He fought to keep his anguish chained, failed. The apple of his eye had grown thorns.
“I don’t know who you are … anymore.”

“I do. And thats all that matters.”

The first bullet dropped him to the shag, blossoming. Two more followed.
Nonchalantly, she poured herself a drink.

The powers that be would be delighted. It didn’t matter that he’d refused her;
their eyes screamed much louder in any case.

Nikita.

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15 thoughts on “100 word assignment – WEEK 20

  1. I’m not taking responsibility for the “Le dire” – that wasn’t in the email I got! Now I’ve seen the whole story and not just the conversation I think “tu” would have been better than “vous” but……language aside I like the story.

    Love that woman’s attitude – shoot him and then stop to pour a drink without worrying about clearing up the mess, hiding the body, worrying what the neighbours would have made of the gunshots etc. Sheer class!

  2. Was in a bit of a quandary too. I thought formal, as she’d alienated him, since she chose her own path to glory. He never meant her to go down the road she took, he just trained her in black ops. She went rogue and sold her talent to those who could best use them, for a price. Her current paymasters wanted him iced. And she no longer thought of him as a friend, merely payday.
    Maybe I should have gone informal, as he did know her, just not the woman she’d become. Where do these people advertise is what I want to know …. its a different world. Ps Colt .45 is silenced and, allegedly, weapon-of-choice for assassins :]

  3. I love the french version even though I struggled with a completely accurate translation. It reminded me of Day of the Jackal or French connection where the sub-titles just add to the menace of the piece. Brilliant & so ‘out of the box’ Andy!

  4. Thanks for the English translation – I translated the French as I went along and got the gist but I was able to read the English one with more emphasis on the plot. I got stuck on “their eyes screamed louder” which I didn’t understand (even in the french version 🙂 ). Still a powerful sense of betrayal and a steel woman, even without the last line.

  5. Yes – very cool, calm and detached! Agree with the Jackal – or even 007 – overtones! I liked the screaming eyes – I thought that made her character even stronger! The French was interesting! Why French, though??

    • Thought I’d better, as I wouldn’t know what it means myself! I did get help! A lot of phrases don’t literally translate. I think ur right. Kind of imagine myself in Paris 🙂

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