NB: for those interested, the prequel can be found here https://ventahl.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/369/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - OUT ON THE WIRE "We take them, soldier!" The rotor wind snatched at his command. Kellar gestured to an infantrymen who bundled the frightened villagers into the Huey. He motioned to ascend, glaring at his subordinate. "Look at their faces, O'Brien, they helped us. They'll all be executed." "Sir, we're too heavy. Charlie has us surrounded. Leave one behind!" Gunfire peppered the fuselage. From inside the chopper, a woman screamed. The captain set his jaw. "Save them all, sergeant, my final order!" Their eyes locked. "Sir, No!" "Lest we forget why we're here!" Kellar tore the heavy chain gun from its mounting, kicked ammo from the hatch and jumped. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - For those who want to know how it all ends, click here https://ventahl.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/100-word-assignment-out-on-the-wire-sequel/ Don't, if you think this is quite enough.
The saddest part of this is that it would have happened, many times.
This moved me.
Can’t write any more.
Read quite a few factual battles, Anna, and watched a few war movies. Haven’t read any first hand accounts though, although do have ‘Last Fighting Tommy’ on my bookshelf. Will read it soon.
Wow! Great story-telling Andy. It’s got a ring of truth about it. This really does sound like an extract from a novel, or maybe even someone’s biography. I’d love to read the bit that goes before and after this – you might need to write it and add it to your blog!
I’m not sure its going to have a happy ending, SJ, but will give it a go. Maybe Kellar’s rambo but, I have a gut feeling he isn’t. However, I have just had an idea that might just save his ass without resorting to a deus ex machina.
I’ve read some ex-military autobiographies and they made it out alive so I think Kellar should too. Maybe not in one piece, but alive.
Sad. True. Powerful. I don’t have words.
I’ll post a 100 word prequel to this soon, as SJ suggests, Lisa. Hoping it moves others as well.
Anyone who wants to read the prequel, its here:
I was going to ask if they make soldiers like that anymore but then I remembered all the witness accounts from Afghanistan and I think that they do. Everyone loves a hero but it’s still very sad.
He’s not dead yet, MSM. Though I’m in two minds to leave it to your imagination, I have been urged to save him.
This prompt seems to go right to war. That is just the type of piece I want to write, but you have done it far better than I can imagine. Brings the heart to the throat …
Do you want to know what happens, TC? I think there’s a few here who would follow the link … I’ll post once done, probably wed. Thanks for the praise!
I have goosebumps. A grimly beautiful piece. The self sacrifice of the bravest of serving soldiers must never be forgotten.
Agreed. Although I am in two minds to save him. He is made of the stuff everyone wants to believe in. Thanks Alison, for the cheer.
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What a lot can be said in so few words – great!
Cheers Ron, I think action should be as succinct as possible, without losing integrity. Sometimes, I have to write a paragraph from scratch again, just to keep the word count down. I tend to waffle.
Powerful stuff, V.
I’m moved. The 100WCGU has made this quite a week for me.
Very impressed by your piece in particular.
Thanks, Dughall, means a lot. But in a bit of a quandry – should I pen 100 words to save him?
What a very moving piece. It felt like a chapter in a book. Well done! laurie @
http://dealingwithmyinnercritic.blogspot.com/
Cheers, Laurie. I tried to keep it as tight as possible, as befits an action piece. It wasn’t that easy to keep it around a 100 words.
The character you penned is smart enough to wear a chute, brave enough to survive, and resourceful enough to get back home. Robin
He certainly seems the type, Robin! He is outnumbered, though, and even good men die when facing overwhelming odds, but then again, who says they’re overwhelming, might only be half a dozen and Kellar should be able to prevail, provided he doesn’t think he’s invincible (a common heroic tendency!). Any sequel would have to be believable though. I’ll see.
I think this piece works well without the prequel. It’s very powerful and says so much about what I see as the disconnect between those who declare war and many of those they send to fight them.
I was very moved by your writing here.
I think you’re right, Sparks. But I was urged to do both a before and after. Hope they measure up! Glad I struck a chord 🙂
It was a picture from many of those films that all ‘celebrated’ war. It was hard, cold, clinical but humanity crept in at the end. Great writing!
It reads so well and conveys so much. . . moving . . great post on a sad/hard subject
So moving and such a great story